Legal Notice and Information

IMPORTANT NOTICE REGARDING THE STATUS, PURPOSE, FUNCTIONALITY AND COMPLETE LACK OF LEGAL OR FINANCIAL EFFECT OF THIS WEBSITE

PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING NOTICE CAREFULLY, PREFERABLY IN ITS ENTIRETY, ALTHOUGH WE FULLY APPRECIATE THAT THE LIKELIHOOD OF ANYONE DOING SO IS STATISTICALLY NEGLIGIBLE.

For the avoidance of doubt, and without prejudice to any other notices, disclaimers, warnings, statements, declarations, qualifications, exclusions, conditions, provisions or similarly unhelpful administrative communications which may or may not appear elsewhere on this website, visitors are hereby formally advised that this website is operated solely and exclusively for the purposes of testing, evaluation, demonstration, experimentation, technical verification and such other activities as may reasonably be described as having absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the legitimate collection of parking charges.

Under no circumstances should the existence, appearance, design, accessibility, functionality, presentation, colour scheme, professional-looking buttons, payment-related terminology or general air of bureaucratic authority associated with this website be interpreted, construed, assumed, inferred or otherwise mistakenly regarded as evidence that the website constitutes a legitimate, authorised, recognised, approved or operational facility for the settlement, discharge, reduction, cancellation, reconciliation or other disposal of any parking charge, parking charge notice, penalty charge notice, excess charge, contractual parking obligation or vaguely threatening piece of correspondence received in connection with the stationary positioning of a motor vehicle.

1. PAYMENT FACILITIES AND THE COMPLETE ABSENCE OF ANY USEFUL OUTCOME

Any individual who, notwithstanding the numerous warnings provided herein, elects to enter payment information, initiate a financial transaction, press a button bearing the word "Pay", or otherwise attempt to part company with money through this website does so entirely at their own discretion, initiative, responsibility and, quite frankly, questionable judgement.

For the avoidance of any possible misunderstanding, any payment made, attempted, initiated, authorised, processed, acknowledged or otherwise associated with this website WILL NOT result in the settlement, discharge, reduction, cancellation or satisfaction of any parking charge whatsoever.

Furthermore, no payment, whether successful, unsuccessful, pending, declined, duplicated, accidentally repeated or accompanied by an unusually heartfelt belief that everything will somehow work out, shall be deemed to constitute evidence of compliance with any parking-related financial obligation.

Visitors should therefore refrain from making payments, since doing so would serve no legitimate parking-related purpose and would merely introduce unnecessary complications into what is already, by any reasonable measure, an unnecessarily complicated situation.

2. ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF THE POINTLESSNESS OF PROCEEDING

By continuing to access, browse, navigate, inspect, refresh, revisit or otherwise interact with this website, the visitor acknowledges that they have been provided with sufficient information to understand that the website is not intended to perform the function which its appearance might, at first glance, rather optimistically suggest.

The visitor further acknowledges that the presence of a payment reference field does not establish the existence of a corresponding parking charge, that the display of a monetary amount does not necessarily indicate that such an amount is payable, and that the presentation of a confirmation message does not confirm anything of consequence beyond the possibility that a computer has successfully displayed some words.

For the avoidance of doubt, the expression "Payment Successful", should it appear anywhere within the testing environment, must not be interpreted as meaning that a payment has successfully resolved anything, particularly anything involving parking.

3. NON-RECOGNITION BY PARKING OPERATORS AND OTHER INTERESTED PARTIES

This website makes no representation, warranty, undertaking, promise, suggestion or even particularly convincing insinuation that it is affiliated with, recognised by, authorised by, approved by, endorsed by or otherwise connected to any local authority, private parking operator, debt recovery organisation, enforcement agency, parking adjudicator, landowner, vehicle registration authority or individual wearing a high-visibility jacket and carrying a clipboard.

Any legitimate parking charge which existed prior to a visitor accessing this website shall, notwithstanding any activity undertaken herein, continue to exist in precisely the same irritating manner as it did beforehand.

The website does not communicate with parking operators for the purpose of settling charges, does not notify enforcement agencies that a payment has been received, does not suspend enforcement proceedings, does not prevent further correspondence, and does not possess any known mechanism for persuading an aggrieved parking company to reconsider its position.

4. RESPONSIBILITY FOR MISDIRECTED ENTHUSIASM

Whilst every reasonable effort has been made to explain the entirely non-operational nature of this website, no responsibility is accepted for any misunderstanding arising from a visitor's determination to disregard the contents of this notice, particularly where such disregard involves scrolling immediately to the bottom, clicking "I Agree" and subsequently expressing considerable surprise at the consequences.

Visitors are strongly advised that the correct method of satisfying a genuine parking charge is to contact the organisation which actually issued that charge and utilise whatever authorised payment arrangements that organisation has established, however inconvenient, unnecessarily convoluted or aesthetically displeasing those arrangements may be.

The operators of this testing website cannot confirm that any payment made elsewhere has been received, cannot verify that any parking charge has been cancelled, and cannot provide reassurance that an individual who has paid money into an entirely unrelated system will not subsequently receive another letter demanding precisely the same amount.

5. FINAL DECLARATION, CLARIFICATION AND UNNECESSARY REPETITION OF THE BLEEDING OBVIOUS

For the absolute, unequivocal and comprehensive avoidance of doubt, including doubt of the kind which would ordinarily require a remarkable degree of determination to sustain, this website is a TEST WEBSITE.

It is NOT A PARKING PAYMENT WEBSITE.

NO PAYMENTS SHOULD BE MADE THROUGH THIS WEBSITE.

ANY PAYMENT MADE THROUGH THIS WEBSITE WILL NOT SATISFY ANY PARKING CHARGE.

The preceding statements apply irrespective of the amount paid, the method of payment, the time of payment, the number of attempts made, the perceived urgency of the matter, the sincerity of the payer's intentions or the extent to which the payer subsequently insists that the website "looked official enough".

Should any visitor remain uncertain as to whether this website is suitable for paying a parking charge, they are respectfully invited to reread this notice, preferably starting at the beginning and continuing until the central message becomes apparent.

In the unlikely event that uncertainty persists following a second reading, the visitor is advised to seek assistance from a responsible adult, competent colleague or other individual capable of distinguishing between a live payment service and a website which has now stated, in approximately seventeen different ways, that it is not one.

BY CONTINUING TO USE THIS WEBSITE, YOU CONFIRM THAT YOU UNDERSTAND THAT YOU SHOULD NOT PAY ANYTHING, THAT PAYING ANYTHING WILL ACHIEVE NOTHING IN RELATION TO YOUR PARKING CHARGE, AND THAT THE WEBSITE OPERATORS HAVE NOW EXPENDED A FRANKLY UNREASONABLE NUMBER OF WORDS EXPLAINING THIS FACT.

This notice is provided for informational, administrative, explanatory, cautionary, procedural and wholly disproportionate purposes. No parking charges were harmed, cancelled, reduced or otherwise inconvenienced during its preparation.